I'm finding myself in a place of frustration lately. It's likely for a couple of reasons 1) I've been thinking more about "respectable sins" since Brianne raised the topic and 2) I've been spending additional time with people from my past that leave me confused and frustrated as I watch certain behaviors among "Christian" people (again, respectable sins).
To briefly explain my frustration, the gist of it is that I have been seeing Christian people acting in ways that are contrary to what I believe Scripture says. And some issues are pretty black and white to me. I know that it is not for me to judge them; I just find the discrepancies so frustrating that I never know how to respond when I'm in the situation. I honestly do not want to judge, and I know that can sometimes be my tendency. My greater feeling is sadness because I think, "Wow, if as 'Christians' we're not getting it, how in the world is anyone else going to get it?" None of us are truly "getting it," but I would hope we're at least seeking Jesus in it. And it also saddens me because I feel like living in those ways shows that they are missing out on the true power of Jesus available to all of us. Anyway, I feel like I sound totally judgmental here, and that is not my goal or my true feelings. I just hate this feeling of not knowing how to respond and coming home questioning myself, wondering what I should have done, etc.
These feelings are especially fresh on the heels of my 10-year class reunion, which was yesterday. (All went well, by the way.) I had a fine time and it was good to see some old friends, but I was also ready for it to be over. I know that going to a Christian school certainly does not automatically make you a Christian, but I also know that many of the people who were there are Christians, so it confuses/frustrates me to hear the things they think are so hilarious (jokes about how drunk people were, sex, etc.) and how much they think is acceptable to drink. One of my friends made a joke that it probably wouldn't be good to be hung over at her daughter's baptism, which is today. When I hear things like that, I just can't figure out how people's minds work in relationship to their faith. Seems like a pretty obvious discrepancy to me. On the way home I was feeling like a prude somehow and asked Brent if I was crazy to believe that it was wrong to get drunk because it seems pretty clear to me from Scripture. He confirmed that he does not think I'm crazy (always a relief!), so I followed up with, "How do people then justify doing that with their faith?" Of course, they justify it just like we justify so many things in our lives...I know there are a billion in my own life. Just seems odd when it's such a blatant outward behavior.
It just leaves me all in a mess because I feel guilty for judging people, but then I think, well, if I know that their behavior is wrong, I shouldn't accept it, should I? (I know I should still accept the person, but I shouldn't feel okay about their behavior, should I?) I don't want to continue rambling, but here are some of the questions I have in all this mess of feelings I'm expressing:
1) Do any of you have suggestions for how to handle situations like these? My example was drinking, but I don't mean just in that. What about when friends express things about their life or behaviors and you know they are wrong? How do you respond without making judgment?
2) When is it okay to make judgments? (i.e. when does judgment = accountability & discernment vs. being condemning)
3) How do I stand firm and not doubt myself when other Christians have these "respectable sins" and I begin to wonder if I'm just too legalistic, too this, too that, etc.
4) How do I welcome this type of accountability in my own life and recognize my own "respectable sins"? (Maybe by reading the book!) :)
I just feel like this whole post sounds like I'm a judgmental prude, so I guess I just have to trust that you guys know me better than that (I hope!). As we all know, I have plenty of idols and sins in my own life, but I guess I just want to know how to follow Jesus with abandon, not ever accept sin in my life and help others to do the same in a Christ-like, loving way.
Sorry to barf all over you, but you are obviously my place to process this morning. Thanks for "listening."
**Added later: As I just read through the post, I realized I talked a lot about behavior and not about the heart. But the heart is really where all our behaviors come from, so that's the issue I am truly dealing with in myself and others. I still don't know how to handle these situations, but I do know that just "changing behavior" is not the point. Other thoughts?
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3 comments:
You probably won't be surprised, with the whole sister likeness thing, that I totally resonate with this post. There are a couple of things that come to mind for me that I think explain what Beth is talking about:
I think the main thing is that, even among Christians, we are living in a world of relativism. We may not be so quick to admit it, and our differences may be more subtle than topics like abortion vs. pro-life or gay rights vs. man/woman marriage, etc., but I think as Christians we rationalize and justify all sorts of behaviors that "aren't so bad," simply becuase we can get by with it. Spending, gossiping, soft addictions, self-centerendess and selfishness, etc. Respectable sins. The list is endless. However, in our Christian circles, no one calls anyone on it because of the whole "let him who is without sin cast he first stone" thing and all that. (I'm not trying to be sacrilegious--my sarcasm is pointed totally at how we misuse that type of scripture, not at the truth of the scripture itself. I believe, as Beth suggested, that making a judgment does NOT always equal condemnation; there's a totally appropriate and necessary place for discerning right from wrong and holding each other to a higher standard.) But it seems that even in the rare case where there is attempt at accountability, there's always the "That's what's right for you" argument to fall back on. Which I personally believe is a bunch of hooey in many situations. Anyway...
I think another powerful force at work here is how we are deceived about what true freedom and blessing are. We see it so humanly as things that are pleasing to us in this world. Self-fulfillment, material possessions, few restrictions on our behavior... basically anything that makes us feel good, and feel good now. The idol of comfort is a HUGE one in our world. I would contend that most often the blessings we receive are not the result of easy things that feel good, and they are not necessarily even tangible things that anyone else could see. Nor is our freedom a freedom to do what we personally want, but to be free from the bondage of our sinful and selfish hearts. Store up treasures in heaven, you know? I can think of many times I feel like God asked me to do thigns that were VERY hard and totally opposite of what I would have chosen, and things that I received no credit for from the people around me. And, after I fought tooth and nail 'til I finally gave in, boy, did my heart feel lighter and freer and more at peace when I came to terms with that truth. And believe me, I can also think of many more times I chose my own way to do it--the way that felt good to me, that gave me the most instant results and most personal satisfaction, only to be left feeling conflicted or dissatisifed or empty. It's the whole idols thing.... temporary fulfillment.
I'm guessing I sound pretty harsh right about now, but I am pretty darn passionate about this, mainly because my personality and background are such that it is SO tempting to go with the easiest route, the one with the most instant gratification, the one that gives me more "stuff" right here and now, the one that allows me to be "right" whether it hurts someone else, the one that looks pretty acceptable on the outside but doesn't require any heart change on the inside, etc. But I've tried that way too many times to think that it will work. Plus, that is so NOT who I want to be at the end of this life.
So anyway, if anyone has any great answers to Beth's 4 questions, I, too would love to hear them. I think one of the things I'm learning right now is that truth is not just a concept--He is a person who we're invited to get to know. And I'm hopeful that I as I grow to know Jesus better He'll give me the wisdom to navigate some of these areas with more wisdom and humility and grace.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
Hi Girls,
Beth I'm feeling gross right now since you barfed all over me...JUST KIDDING (thought that line was funny)!!! I thought your post was full of wonderful questions...questions that I have been pondering as of late myself. And Tiff I loved what you said about relativism even in our Christian "Holy Huddles" as I've been hearing it called lately.
So I've been asking myself very similar questions because a coworker of mine talks about how she is a Christian and goes to bible study, etc but then she also talks about how she got drunk over the weekend and which of our patients she saw at the local bar. This has frustrated me to no end because I feel like as Christians we are to live as light to the world...not participating in things that the Bible clearly states is wrong (and then bragging about it later??). I too have felt judgmental but also wrestling with the verse in Galations 6:1 "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted." Should I try to restore this coworker? Am I spiritual? Do I really NEED to say something to her? So I did a little research today that might aid to this discussion a little bit...
I think we are all scared of the verse in Matthew 7:1-2 where Jesus says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." I looked up a little about this verse and here was a good quote from biblegateway.com...
Many people have ripped this passage out of context. Jesus warns us not to assume God's prerogative to condemn the guilty; he is not warning us not to discern truth from error (see 7:15-23). Further, Jesus does not oppose offering correction, but only offering correction in the wrong spirit (v. 5; compare 18:15-17; Gal 6:1-5).
So Beth I think you have discerned truth which is a must for those of us who know truth. I guess now, especially in my situation where I deal with this person on a regular basis, I need to determine if and how to correct her in the right spirit (spirit of gentleness). Um, could anything be more difficult than that? I'm honestly not sure that I can do that...I'd much rather just get disheartened by it and blog about it.
Anyways, as I did a little research on biblegateway.com it seems AGAIN that it is all about our heart and our motives (whether or not we are condemning vs discerning right from wrong). I just pray that as we all continue to seek the Lord that he will continuously soften our hearts and fill us more and more with his grace.
Gotta get something done...
Sheila
I'll keep this brief, but super great points made by all. I mean, you are all bringing up stuff that is relevant and pivotal. I am at a loss because there was so much good stuff that I need time to digest it all. I think the bottom line is that truth is a WHO not a concept to learn, like Tiff said. Getting to know Him is going to change our heart and change our actions and change how we are perceived.
And as far as calling people on their junk, so to speak, I tend to not do that unless a) I am in a relationship with them and b) I know my heart is pure. There have been few times that both a) and b) were true and I was able to do that. I was so passionate about it I cried and I think the other person saw my heart was truly aimed at saving them from future heartbreak and dire consequences. That is just a personal example and certainly NOT something I am trying to brag about ... just trying to answer the question that Beth posed.
Uh, didn't I say I was keeping this short ... gotta go. But great stuff to chew on, Noggies.
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