Keep the Fire Burning

I've found myself growing increasingly complacent these last couple of weeks. I was so on fire the first couple weeks of the study, and then life got a little too hard and tiring, I guess. Kind of sucked the oxygen out of me so the flame began to flicker. To stay on that theme... I've been burning the candle at both ends with all that we have going on in our family, so I'm having a hard time keeping the fire burning, spiritually speaking. I don't know about you, but I want to grow lukewarm when I start to feel a little disillusioned or have my heart grow cold when things get difficult. I want to be on fire, even when I feel like I'm in the fire!

I'm processing through some hard things right now, and as I grow more aware of what idols I run to for comfort, I more quickly recognize that I'm not always processing things very well. I think that I am most often "letting go" of things, usually just because I'm too worn out to deal with them on my own any more, only to have them rise up again later. What I really want and need to do is turn them over to God--to both surrender my own will and agenda as well as trust that whatever He's at work doing truly is the better thing. Honestly, what I've been hoping would change in my life just isn't changing, at least not nearly fast enough to suit me, and I'm struggling to figure out how whatever He's doing is even better than what I'm hoping for. That may sound a little vague, I know, but I'm guessing you get my point.

So anyway, today I found myself going back to the questions I posted earlier on in the study, as well as formulating some new application questions from the more recent lessons we've done. With one week to go before our study is finished, I feel like I'm at the point where I need to focus on some real life application. I don't want to have gone through this study only to have "eaten the seed" rather than really "sowing" it into my life to produce a harvest of good fruit. So in attempt to finish this study well--to keep the fire burning--I'm going to keep trying to press into the answers to these questions (it's a long list, but I thought reading through them might also spark some renewed conviction in different areas for the rest of you, too):

• What "envelopes" do I fail to let go of and await the reply? Am I praying with faith and expectancy?
• Who (or what role, activity, etc.) am I allowing to be my god by asking them/it to tell me who I am--to define me?
• Where in my life am I double-minded and unstable--claiming God is my God while serving false gods?
• What (or whom) am I convinced would make me happy if I could obtain it?
• Where am I settling, out of desperation and lack of faith, for "crumbs" when the Lord has fullness to offer?
• What am I filling my internal vacuum with other than God--the Ultimate Thing?
• Where am I willing to sacrifice true freedom to return to idols that offer temporary comfort?
• Do I really believe that where God is taking me is better than where I am now?
• Do I believe that God's call to remove idols from my life is done completely out of His deep love for me?
• What giants in my life are preventing me from seeing the truth about my Promised Land? Am I willing to persevere when God's promises aren't fulfilled without first facing a struggle?
• What areas of my life am I letting go of but not truly making an offering to God?
• Do I believe God when He says that He and He alone can truly satisfy me? Do I believe that He is provision enough to fill the empty spaces left when I let go of my idols? Especially if He leaves those spaces empty for a season?
• Where have I fled prematurely instead of "staying" when the victory looked unsure?
• Am I willing not only to surrender my will to God but also trust Him with my heart, no matter what He will do in it?
• Am I trying to change my heart and my behavior on my own, or am I making room to allow God to change me?
• Where is God me calling me to obey that I don't really feel like obeying? ("Obedience without warm tingly feelings will always be some part of our faith journey.")
• What prevents me from spending more time in prayer with God? What do I need to remove in my life so I can choose prayer? (Blogging perhaps?!)

Okay, so I just had to take a break to change a blowout diaper, soak baby clothes, talk to my kids about their awful behavior on the bus today, send my daughter to her room for talking back, and clean up spaghetti sauce that got splattered on and in every nook and cranny in my kitchen. And now I'm typing hunt and peck style with one hand while I hold a fussing baby, and we need to leave for football practice in 15 minutes. I'm beginning to see why it's been tough to stay focused!

I will have to trust the Lord that He can speak to my heart even in the midst of all of this. Praying He also meets you in the midst of whatever your reality feels like today!