So I often joke/slightly serious about being quite protective of my family (ie: Rochelle)...and my preference to wear black leather or kick butt or argue just to win. And while I would do all of these things what often sends a pang of sadness through me is that I use to be so tender and gentle and compassionate. And it isn't that I don't have that anymore...it just seems lesser due to the 'role' I find myself in whether with family or work...or maybe I am placing myself in that role and I shouldnt' be...anyway that requires more soul searching...
My point is that I often find myself driven by anger, pain, a feeling of injustice, or the need to protect...and I know it is wrong. Often these angry feelings I leave inside...I do still have enough of my old self to know that I don't want to hurt other people or cut them down because I wouldn't like that done to me either...but that doesn't make it better because in my mind and heart I have already done so--so it is just as much damage to me.
Well I was thinking on this after our study last night and just feeling sad that I am in this position. So when I came in this morning I read my flip calendar for the day and I thought...thanks God...so appropriate...please Lord let me take this to heart. So hear it is, mainly for myself but also for anyone else that is a closet rocker/biker/kick butt chick... :)
Be angry and do not sin.--Ephesians 4:26
There is a way to express anger "without sinning". We can channel our anger into constructive change--putting the focus on what we can and should do rather than on what we want the other person to do. We can address concerns and problems before they fester to the boiling point....We can voice that we are upset, concerned, disappointed, or in pain without raising our voice, digging up the past, or ripping apart another person's identity. And we can always choose to give voice to our emotions without stirking out a person's personal characteristics.
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3 comments:
Bri, thanks for being honest. I must say I have always benefited greatly from your protective side and often admired it. You've always had a way of standing up for those who need it, or sticking with your convictions when it was hard or uncomfortable. So please recognize that those are positive things. Justice is good.
I'm not saying I think you do this, because I can't see your heart, but here is where I think we all have to be careful if we have this tendency: I think the difference is when you become the judge and jury - a position that is only God's. Also, it goes back to your flip calendar - if the anger is causing you to cut down another person or is seeking to elevate yourself, that is the problem. I guess it once again comes down to the heart. What is your heart's motivation? Do you feel God pressing you to take a stand?
These aren't easy questions to answer. In the heat of the moment, I'm not sure I'd know how to answer them. I'd just want to fight for what I thought was right ... sigh ... I guess my main point in blabbering on is that I don't want you to be too hard on yourself, Bri. But also, if the Holy Spirit is convicting you of something specific, that you are receptive to it. Clear as mud?!
Not sure where to start here, but a few random thoughts...
First, I have this very same tendency and have since jr high or high school. I actually had the nickname "female dog" (you fill in the appropriate word there) in high school. (flattering, I know). My older siblings always commented about how much complaining I did. And oh, how true it still is for me. The only difference is I recognize it now so I complain and then try to think of the positive.
So I guess my point to this is: Why can't I go straight to the positive? Why do I have to vent frustration first? Why do I pick up the phone and call a friend to vent about an injustice rather than taking it straigt to God? (had the situation this morning at school where I felt "wronged" and I've been stewing about it all morning...and yes, called a friend to vent about it.)
There are certainly times that we are wronged or need to stick up for someone or something, but most of the time for me it's the little things that get me going down the wrong path.
And yes, it is o:k to tell someone in the right way that you are upset or something isn't right. But for the life of me, I either come off like a "b-word" or i push the anger down and end up bawling! Yes, I know it sounds ridiculous but those are my two options - neither of which are very appealing.
I know i'm a very compassionate person so perhaps it's that I think everyone should be that way and it makes me angry when they aren't. For example...why can't people take 5 minutes to write a memory for my parent's 50th anniversary book and return it in my SASE? I mean, really, how hard is it? I think this book will mean more to mom and dad than any tangible thing we could do so why don't others make the small committment? (sorry to bring up the book AGAIN!) I think that's my "compassionate side" trying to make them feel special and everyone else's side of "life is too busy and I forgot to do it."
And then I wonder if I'm trying to protect myself from being hurt so the "shell" is on for protection.
I hate that I can relate to all of these issues. I think that's why I never have clarity after a bible study because I'm overwhelmed at all of my simutaneous break-out sessions I seem to be in!
Sure wish I knew where to focus.
So I doubt if anyone can imagine me in black leather quite as quickly as they can picture Bri, but I am so there with her on this topic in general (really, what mom and wife can't relate on some level with the whole challenge to be angry without sinning?) I also think Nancy has been spying on me b/c she wrote about me: "But for the life of me, I either come off like a "b-word" or I push the anger down and end up bawling!"
This line specifically hit right where I am in the obedience area I feel God's asked me to enter... "We can channel our anger into constructive change--putting the focus on what we can and should do rather than on what we want the other person to do." That is so stinkin' hard for me when I just plain know that I am right on the topic and the other person isn't conceding.(Why, tell me, is it so much doggone easier to see what the otherperson should do!?)
Anyhow... the latest word from Flip was a great reminder and encouragement for me right now to stay in obedience whether I'm being heard and affirmed by others or not.
And Bri, I'm with Rochelle in encouraging you to lean into whatever the Holy Spirit is teaching you in this... put on that black leather and kick Satan's butt!
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