So, wouldn't you know it, several articles in my latest Today's Christian Woman magazine connect to discussions we've had together, one addressing my god in particular: the approval of others. I thought I would share a few quotes from the article that put things in perspective for me, which hopefully means another step on the journey toward freedom. After all, "it is for freedom that Christ has set us free" (Gal. 5). I completely echo Brianne's desire to have the ability to stay in it and permanently know this truth in my heart and mind! I still really like the brain removal option...but probably not a good idea considering how dingy and forgetful I can be with my brain fully connected and intact!
Here are the quotes from author Kim Gaines Eckert:
When we aren't honest with others about who we really are, and instead present an image of who we think we should be in order to gain their acceptance, we're people pleasing.
When you look to others for affirmation, you ask them to reflect your feelings and thoughts back to you with perfect accuracy and insight. When my husband is unable to do so, I get frustrated. Your husband, children and friends may love you as best they can, affirm your strengths, and help you see how God designed you. But when you ask someone to tell you who you are, you're really asking that person to be your god. And human beings are destined to disappoint you. God alone is your true "mirror." Only he can fully, perfectly know and love you (I Cor. 13:12).
In seeking Christ's favor, you can stop trying to prove to others you're a good wife, mother or church member.... You are worthy. And that worth lies not in what you do for others, but in the work Christ has already done for--and in--you. When you rest in his unfailing love, you can serve others in true freedom.
The article also gave six questions to ask yourself to help assess your struggle with people pleasing:
1) Do you feel comfortable expressing your opinions to others?
2) Can you say "no" to a request you don't have time to fulfill?
3) Do you say you agree with others' ideas only when you truly do?
4) Are you willing to send back a restaurant dish you don't like?
5) Can you tell a close friend or family member that she has hurt you?
6) Are you comfortable making independent choices?
While my answers to these questions still reveal much need for progress, I also know Christ is doing a work in me because I'm further on the way than I was a year ago. That is hope giving to me. Instant and permanent results would be better, but, you know, I'll take what I can get! :)
In the auditorium service yesterday, Andrew talked about having the ability to stand and trust that God is at work, even when the evidence around us seems to say otherwise. That is a word I need to hear often. I know there are so many good resources and spiritual things to do, but if that interests you, you can listen to the message online at www.trcpella.com. It may not be there yet, but it will be in the next day or two.
Praying that we'll look to our gods less and our Great GOD more today than yesterday!
Beth
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Looks like I am behind on my TCW reading as well ... ha, ha, ha.
Seriously, those questions are really great. I often wonder though if I am people pleasing, or if I am just choosing the path of least resistance because I don't care as much as the other person seems to, so I'll agree with them for the sake of an argument ... what is that!??!
Ok ... really should get back to work now ... I will not allow the Blog to be another idol ... :)
So apparently I am not only a people pleaser, but I'm a people pleaser who's been living in denial. I wouldn't have categorized myself as a P.P. because I'm not usually afraid to speak my mind and don't usually say yes to things I don't want to do. Actually, I'm much more likely to say something overly harsh or insensitive (or just plain stupid) in an attempt to be honest and open (which is no news flash to those of you who already knew me!) But then I read that second paragraph from the article Beth quoted and got a whole new picture of myself:
When [I] look to others for affirmation, [I] ask them to reflect [my] feelings and thoughts back to [me] with perfect accuracy and insight.... when [I] ask someone to tell [me] who [I am], [I'm] really asking that person to be [my] god. And human beings are destined to disappoint [me]. God alone is [my] true "mirror." Only he can fully, perfectly know and love [me] (I Cor. 13:12).
Ouch. And double ouch for my poor husband (or sister or friends) to often be put in that position. I've always thought I needed to find the balance between the basic human need to be loved and affirmed with the perspective that other people's opinions are not what matters. But what I really think is true is that there's not a balance at all. Instead my affirmation has to come completely from who God made me, which--and this is the part that's easier said than done--I can only find in relationshp with Him. Then any affirmation I may receive in addition is just the icing on the cake. I know that is not a new concept, but it's hitting me in a new way today.
So, let the tweaking begin.
Beth,
I just read this article too and WOW!!! It really hit home...I hadn't really thought of making those people my gods (just their acceptance of me I guess). And leaning on only the Lord for acceptance...seems so easy but why isn't it?? I guess it just proves AGAIN that I need to be IN the word continuously because in it I find affirmation...and yes Tiff, my poor, poor loving husband, friends, and family...well, I'll see you all tonight...
Sheila
Post a Comment