So, I made this confession to Beth a few weeks ago b/c I am so disappointed in myself that I haven't done a better job posting and even worse READING our book. I made it through two weeks and then I got so behind that I couldn't seem to catch up. I am sure I have a lot of reasons (excuses) for how I got so behind, but the fact is I feel bad and feel the need for confession. (It is good for the soul right? Here comes my need to be accepted and told "its okay, Rochelle,"rearing its ugly head!)
One thing I dare to wonder is whether I subconsciously don't want to read the book because it is hard and it challenges me and makes me feel bad about myself. Perhaps?
Thanks to Beth who faithfully posts questions and her thoughts every week. Thanks to those that post in response. I wish the blog study would have worked out better than it has.
Something I read on Fliphemena today:
We generally associate well-being with the presence of God and assume that suffering means someone has done something wrong ... And of course, it is true that pain was not part of God's original plan, and the day is coming when he will wipe every tear from every eye. And yet ... While God hates pain, he can also redeem it. It does not mean he is absent. Years ago [I] helped conduct a survey that asked thousands of people what had most contributed to their spiritual growth. The number one answer was pain.
In "summer" I am tempted to think that because of my success, wealth, reputation, virtue, faith, I'm in control. My life will unfold how and when I want it to. In "winter" I learn I'm not running things after all. Somebody once said that the biggest difference between you and God is that God doesn't think he's you. In pain, we get very clear about not being God.
Over time, although I never wanted to feel pain, I came to see that it was doing much good in me. I became much more aware of how everything meaningful in life rides on God. I became much more dependent on him.
I just thought the first two paragraphs very well explain my life most of the time. In general, as long as I (and my family) has their health, wealth, success, etc. I feel in control. And when I'm in control, I block "hard/challenging stuff" out. I just want to relax, live freely, be "happy," not worry. Why is it so hard to stay cognizant of spiritual things? I hate that I am so fickle. So "on the surface."
Anyway, just thought I'd reach out and post something, even if I haven't read most of the book.
Hope you all are doing well!
1 comment:
I, too, am disappointed with how we've kept up on this, particularly with my own dwindling participation. I did pretty well for a while, then just got overcome with life and the fact that I bit off more than I could chew by committing to 4 different types of studies this fall. I've dropped out of one, fallen off the wagon on this one, and succeeded about 80% of the time on the final two. (Except for this week with a sick baby girl and a travelling husband--then I'm more like 50% caught up on a good day!) So I'm still getting in the Word, and the Lord has certainly been dealing with me on some things, but that doesn't erase the fact that I have not been a loyal NOG blogger. I hate that.
I miss what was "us." I don't have any other place in my life right now that is just so fun and life-giving, even amidst all the other things I'm doing. That was definitely a special time--and I'd say the success of it for all of us (attendance, lessons learned, etc.) clearly points to God's annointing on our summer group. Regardless of our pitiful attempts to keep connected in the e-world since then, I'm so thankful for that time together and the work that God did and continues in us because of our study and discussions.
My baby girlie crying upstairs after a ridiculously short nap reminds me of why I have not kept up with this... (Actually, I started typing this last week Thurs. or Fri. during nap time and have just now gotten back to it).
I'd love to catch up with each of you sometime, just to hear what God's been doing in your lives since we met. Maybe we can start a round robin e-mail with just a blurb about what's going on in our own little worlds? I'd be happy to start it, but I think I'd disillusion everyone because my e-mails are never short and sweet, so someone else take the initiative and get us going, okay?!? :)
Love you, girls. I hope you are seeing God at work in your days.
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